Motown Ann Arbor Hash House Harriers

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the Evil Dead Hash.
Things started well with some sweet hash swag but the situation quickly declined when The pack missed an entire half of trail, finding the second beer near first. Yay beer !
There was an impromptu snowball fight. One in which your humble narrator was viciously assaulted in the left testicle. 😢. There was a new favorite hash song discovered, SHAME ! There were 2 naked late night runs and finally there was projectile vomiting at 4:30 AM which caused our hares to flee from their comfortable slumber. Definitely one for the record books !

Show and Tell

There was still a chill in the air and dawn was near….when we decided to put a end to the Indeterminate Pub Crawl because, damnit, I had to set trail in a few hours!
A few hours later there was still a chill in the air but the sun was visible. Fueled by bagels, our friend alcohol, and a $0 hash cash the pack came together at Hunt Park. A pre-trail highlight was Capt.Underpants deciding that staying upright was too much effort and barrel rolled down the hill to the start, losing his wallet and rolling through a pile of dog crap in the process.
Hashers present at the start included Capt Underpants and Betty Cocker from Bay City, uNalicker and her son Just Something from Sin City, St Dickless (of the Ohio branch of Dickless hashers), Goofy Fucker and one more from the wilds outside Toledo. Representing MoA2H3 we had Sex and Ate, No Pussy for You and Mother Inferior. The Hare was Whip It Out with guest hares Brown and Runny from CowTown and Serving Seaman from somewhere in Kentucky, north of Big Bone Lick.
Chalk talk was talked and the hares took off at a slightly more than leisurely pace. Brunny was hampered by the two-gallons of Fat Boy he decided we needed on trail, just in case. Trail want in all the usual directions and we felt pretty safe by including a ‘how can you resist” detour through Conor O’Neill’s. Apparently if you are buying drinks they were willing to overlook the now slightly less than two gallons of Fat Boy we had with us.
We continued up Main St with a variety of devious markings. We were almost to the Beer Check/On In at Allmendinger Park when we looked up the see that the pack had somehow passed us and were now a half block ahead of the hares. A BN was quickly drawn and we were safe for the moment.
Circle was presided over by the venerable Sex and Ate. There was much rejoicing, with many down-downs, accusations and even the singing of songs.
As kick-off neared we adjourned circle and decided to go to the golf course. As we were leaving a young man in full Maize and Blue came running past us trying to get to the game. Seaman, resplendent in her Red and Grey, took off at a full sprint and in less than 50 yards, making what can only be described as an illegal hit to a defenseless player, brought him down from behind. Oddly enough we all continued to the golf course without arrested, where we made new friends and only got kicked out of one tailgate.
We ended up moving to Wolverine Brewing to watch the end of the game where we at least had good beer, food and company to console (most of) us. Better luck next year!

OnOn,

Whip

Cinco De Mayo Hash!

So there we were in Mexican Town hoping to partake in the Cinco De Mayo parade. Many hashers were dressed as luchadores while others tried to fit in and dress like the locals. Winter Merkin provided the blessing.

Merkin’s Blessing
“Que el camino sea largo. Que haya mucha cerveza por todos. Los luchadores sobrios. Merecen el agua Porque son pendejos. Ay, ay, ay, ay ¡Corran borrachos! Porque queremos cerveza. Y esperamos un buen camino.”

What the hell she said!
“We hope the trail is long. We hope there’s a lot of beer for everyone. The sober wrestlers deserve water because they’re assh*les. Run you drunks! Because we want beer and we await a great trail.”

The sobrios hares were quickly out after the blessing leaving white flour all over the place in hopes to scare the locals. Hashers received many questionable looks. One Hispanic man yelled out to Slurpee “You better run, the Mexicans are after you.”

Thanks to a well marked trail and the local kids ratting out the hares, we enjoyed not uno but dos beer nears. Except for running out of beer during ceremonies, (QUE?????) it was a great hash!

En una nota lateral, no esperas a seguir escribiendo basura de hash. Gilipollas necesita intensificar y escribir esta mierda.

ON ON!

Scottish Fingercuffs

Hash Trash – MOA2H3 29th Analversary Pub Crawl

What an epic pub crawl! Although the weather was yucky, the Spirits were definitely running high.
Our first stop, ‘Briggs’. Love this place, the staff was awesome, food and drinks were great and hey what a way to start our crawl than at an up and cumming gay bar. Thanks Pro Boner for the recommendation. Our next stop, hashers favorite, “Jacoby’s”. Plenty more alcohol to consume. Rumor has it that the bar is up for sale, maybe one of our wankers should buy this place. Moving onto our third stop (awesome dive bar) ‘The Baltimore’; not only did they create a drink special for us but they let our (kilted) harriettes dance on the bar. Thanks Ten Tun Titties for leading the group. A soon to be forgotten fourth stop ‘Old Shillelagh’ or as several of us hashers now refer to it as the ‘old shit hole’. The staff was NOT friendly or accommodating, so we slammed our beers and moved on to our last stop. Our Fifth and Final stop, ‘Firebird Tavern’ which many hashers felt the name should be changed to ‘Fireball Tavern’. We finished off the evening with much rejoicing, plenty of golden nectar and food. Rambush celebrated her birthday (1 day early) by keeping the Fireball flowing!
Overall I was told it was a very successful pub crawl and from what I remember, I have to agree. I would like to give a special shout out to my Hares, Slurpee 2nds, Two Vicodins and a Bottle of Wine and Ditch Bitch (with special guest harring from COMB from 3rd-4th stop). Thanks for ensuring us wankers made it to each stop.
After expenditures for the patches, we raised over $550. Patches are still available for $5.00 and the proceeds will continue to go towards interhash. The winners of the raffles and pub crawl are as followed. Pictures of the pub crawl have been posted on our website.

50 / 50 – No pussy for me
Beer Basket – Ten Tun Titties
Wine Basket – Diaper Rash
Liquor Basket – Whip it Out
Pub Crawl – In and Out (Well done, although you were a late cummer, you definitely made up for missing the first bar.)

ON! ON!

Scottish Fingercuffs

So there we were in lovely Mon-roe hanging out near the basketball court and military helicopters… Show decided to tap his foot towards a local who was there for a ‘pick up’ basketball game, no game happened so instead he ran his virgin hash with us. The hashers started to gather, then the hardcore boys showed up, the ones that decided to run a beer mile in Ypsi before the hash. This was really the first step of MC Hammer losing her innocence. Since she was of legal age, COMB & Howdy decided to sandwich her in their sweat. Circle went like normal, and then the blessing went something like this;

My-my-my-my hashing makes me so hard, makes me say where’s my beer
I am now blessing you with a mind to trail and two fast feet
Be good or your pants will go down
I am your super dope RA from the Motown
And I’m known as such
And these are your hares uh u can’t touch

Trail started off normal, I heard rumors of an SBC but I never saw it. Not that anyone was wearing technology, but I believe the first BN was .28 miles from the start down the shiggy and track. It was a really hot day, so the hares were worried about our hydration. The beer was not enough to cool down Pro-Boner so he decided to take a swim, or he just wanted to show off his backstroke. Arf Kelly was convinced to take his first swim ever by his master. This is obviously a popular spot b/c several more locals showed up for a swim.

After the refreshments we were off again. Trail was not only dotted with flour and chalk, but also these cute little bags with fish-hooks all left for MC Hammer. FRB’s did get their miles in by running back to MC each time they came across a bag. This must have been motivation to be near the youngest hasher, b/c it seems like Uncle Touchy picked up several bags, just saying. Trail led us through some industry, some woods, some trails, then finally to a dive bar where we were welcomed in with open arms. MC Hammer had another sweaty sandwich, this time between COMB & Show posing by the legal age sign. Rambush decided her and Not A Cock should win parents of the year for this b-day celebration. The owner caught wind the trail was for someone’s b-day so she made a muffin for the b-day girl with a candle and all. We sang to her hasher style which caused the rest of the locals in the bar to be shocked then laugh. Not wanting the rest of the pack to be left out, the owner also made peanut butter bars for us. She enjoyed us so much, she invited us back and offered to cook for us, gotta love Monroe.

We were off again, more streets, more shiggy and lots more railroad tracks. After 21 fish-hooks, MC was filled to the brim with alcohol and jello shots. She stayed in good spirits and held her own on this punishing trail. BN #3, yes if you were not there you missed a trail with 3 BN’s, was within sight of the helicopters. The pack was hot and sweaty, so that one was a short one then back to the cars.

Ceremonies were, let’s go with spirited, although at some point I did say I hate you all b/c most of you could not keep your mouths shut. We had the normal anniversary, virgins, back sliders & accusations, then Diaper in rare form decided to sing a No Pussy inspired song. The visitors were so shocked, I am not sure they ever want to see the real thing. At some point during the ceremonies, Whip came running up, soaked in sweat and parched. Not sure why he was late, although I heard rumor of a BJ in Canton, but the fact that he made it back from the right direction was proof the trail was well laid with some supporting arrows left by Pony.

On after was held at the house of bad decisions south. Food was plentiful, beer was flowing and the volume was deafening. A transplant, rather unfortunately named Dave like we really need another one, decided to bring a bottle of Jameson to share. There was dancing, there was drinking, there was passing out with penises above your head, and there was lots of fun going on. I am still confused, but I walked in on Diaper having a conversation with MC about No Pussy. The best most of us could figure, is that she could hold the magic power over him, she could be the princess that turns the frog into a prince or kill him off, or something like that. Over all I think MC had one of the best 21st b-day celebrations anyone could ask for!

So there I was, standing at the first BN waiting for the cop car to drive away. After a few minutes he decided that we were not at the boat launch to sell Heroin so he took off. It could not have been timed better since very shortly after that the Turkeys, Eagles, and Walkers all rolled in at the same time. There may or may not have been pre-laid trails, but with the lack of pre-planning, the hares were pleasantly surprised to see the pack together.
The next leg was truly laid live as the pack could tell by the 15 minute head start we needed. For some reason the hashers decided to be nice to us and actually wait the full time too! The first leg crossed the double tracks and took the pack through the interesting part of Monroe. So, on the second leg everyone was asked to do their anual duty and pick up trash along the way since they could make an impact there. There could have been some confusing falses or back checks laid, or the amount of trash slowed them down but the walker beat the runners in this time. There were some interesting trash pieces too. Banjo carried a trash can that had been beaten to hell with a note written on it to the trash men to collect it; clearly it must have used too many words since it was found on trail. Tranny proved that not all Monroe people are dumb since he found a freshly filled condom. Pro-Boner was happy to show everyone his meat, well at least the meat he found on trail. The trash collecting prize goes to Slurpee since not only did he and Scottish carry a filled trash can, but also made sure he showed everyone the Busch & Tail he collected along the way. Thank you to all the hashers that collected trash! I guess collectively everyone behaved well (except for stealing the Fireball) since MT (mother Teresa) said we could bring the hash back if we are in the area.
The third leg (aka heading back to the On-Start) left the runner looking for trail on Hollywood in front of the nicest homes in Monroe. Not sure if it would be better to call that a starburst or check, but it gave the hares times to get out of view. This leg was just making the way back to the start but with the rain and wind and some great false trails the walkers beat the runners again.
Trail may have been a little long and ceremonies were definitely cut short by the weather, but I think a good time was had by all. Thank you to all the hashers that did their good deed for the Earth on Sunday & Happy Earth Day!

So there we were in the middle of lovely Northville watching the degenerates trickle into the downs. They did not even notice that there were randomly dressed people drinking beer in the parking lot 10 feet from their cars. Proof that degenerates might not have been a bad term after all. Shortly after 1530 circle was done and the hares were off. Only one new mark today, FPC – Fore Play Check in honor of the vagina hash.

First leg of the trail may have been a little long, but we tried to make it fun! Turkeys and eagles had their own FRB’s but some turkeys missed the marks, I would like to say they were running too fast but…. We thought the Fish Hatchery park was the appropriate place to run through since it was Vagina Reborn and that was the debut of the FPC. The turkeys found one of the 12 false trails and decided to wait for the eagles to get there before calling false, they deserved the miles too. FRB’s were all served cold, even if they were coconut 4Loco and other fruity concocksions. The walkers enjoyed a FWB of sipping wine like Northvillites while their counterparts sweated it out on dirt roads. Much to the hares surprise turkey & eagles were doing a group thing arriving at the BN together with walkers not far behind.

Leg two did not have a turkey/eagle split, but the back checks were useful in keeping the pack together. Maybe counting was not our specialty since some of the hashers said that we counted wrong, but I still think it was a 6 followed by a 9. Trail led the pack though ‘hash haven’ also known as the disk golf course, some hashers enjoyed this more than others.

How we did not get caught on leg three we are still not sure. Northville road was a little boring and all the rain made Cass Benton tough to traverse. Most of the Eagles enjoyed the railroad tracks, while some pussed out and stayed on the road. Running through The Wheel parking lot with out stopping for a beer almost pushed a few hashers over the edge, but the tormenting was fun. The pack was lead very near to their cars but resisted the urge with the lure of one more beer near. All the hares enjoyed watching the pack blindly follow trail and head away from the beer near even though I was sitting in my car watching them less than 50 feet away. Two hasher either got lost, needed a few more miles or wanted to play hide the salami (with all the vagina’s on display they may have been a little excited) before making it to the last beer near.

Ceremonies were outside and we thought we were in for trouble when Northville’s finest drove right by us, but they did not even slow down or look our way, wild. After, we headed into the downs and saw some interesting people, for once we were not the odd balls in the place. Food may have taken a little longer than planned, but it was worth the wait. We even had white table cloths; they made the green vagina’s really glisten.

Semper Pi

Cinco Hash Trash
Slight recap of the week leading up to “Cinco Hash Detroit 2014”. The hares gathered in a remote section of Ypsilanti to scout new territory not knowing what we would get into. The “Tres Amigo’s + Halfrican” start blazing trail, all is good so far, trail is wide and flat (Insert inappropriate MOM joke here). One mile in and all looks promising, hares split up scouting trails in every direction. As you can tell, that ended badly. Between the ticks, dead deer carcasses, raspberry bushes shredding skin and Halfrican smelling like dead rotting fish, this was not a good choice. Thursday afternoon quickly passed and still no trail had been agreed on. Friday morning and panic is starting to take over, messages flying back and forth, and it’s too late to run for the border, and not Taco Bell. In a last ditch effort I spun the globe! Around and around it goes, where it stops, who the Fu-ck knows! MEXICAN TOWN! Bingo, it’s ON-ON!
Sunday, hares arrive early and feeling nervous about the task at hand. Sombreros and police everywhere! We set up camp thinking if worse comes to worse we drink! Hashers start arriving and it’s all coming together, food and beer and everybody’s happy! Chalk talk is quick as cops are hovering close by, my unrehearsed, unplanned gibberish flows like a two year old reciting Shakespeare. As we name off around circle I quickly realize that we are all really bad at Spanish, but we can definitely dress the part. Gang bangers, Luchadores, esse’s, and plenty of gringo wannabes! Hares throw out the 10 minute sign and were off. Straight into the crowds of partiers the trail starts taking shape. Crunchy running true trail and blazing forward thru masses of people, Cakehole and myself laying checks and FRB’s. Over the bridge and into the local streets. As we lay trail the soothing songs of the mariachi bands are all around us. Graffiti lines the walls of the roads we’re running thru as we tuck into the Vernor tunnel and pop out in front of the train depot, heading towards Corktown. We pass Old Tigers stadium and the plan of running the bases is quickly crushed as the historical baseball league is only in the 6th inning. Over the 75 walking bridge, another FRB and a Turkey/Eagle split before the BN at Nancy Whiskeys. Crunchy runs the Turkey, Cakehole and myself take the Eagle. Time to head to the casino. Motor City here we come, we throw a check down and pull a quickie into the parking garage. Three strides into the casino parking garage and were busted, Security on us like a hobo on a ham sandwich. Back to the sidewalk as we make our way around the casino and back towards the BN. Arriving at the BN we quickly learn that we have been had!
Greeted by Crunchy, beers in hand was a wonderful sight, finding out that everybody was already there….BUMMER! The patio was packed with patrons and hashers drinking and enjoying the great day. Piñatas being beaten and the consumption of beers continues. Hares are off and the last leg is being conceived. Back into Corktown and down Michigan Ave towards Mexican Town. Left on West Grand Blvd and were heading into the heart of party central, and maybe a gang shooting…OOPS! Close to the On-In and we leave the last few FRB’s. The On-In circle up was MC’d by the one the only Semper Pi and along with the normal celebrating, Cakehole was awarded his 25th haring mug! Congratulations Cakehole! Also Special congratulations to our graduates , Merkin and Spank Bank! May your future be full of happiness and success!
To my co-hares Crunchy and Cakehole a big thanks for making Cinco Hash a success.
On-On
P3

Beer mile is a drinking race combining r@unning and speed drinking (Wikipedia). DUH….
Spring Beer Mile is now in the books and not a single Hasher blew chunks! Bummer… The course was a nice half assed loop with a few minor obstacles. The timer starts and the heavenly sound of beers cracking and gulping begins, as the empties hit the ground, they’re off! Rounding the first bend the r@nners are feeling like a million bucks, sprinting down the stretch and blazing trail back for beer number two. Beer two is slightly slower for most, but COMB makes it look a day at the office. Chicken, Diaper, Asti and No Pussy right on COMB’s tail and they are back out on the course trying to reel him in. The peanut gallery egging us on as we all chug beers and belch, making room in our bellies for more of this golden nectar. The pace slows a bit and the effects start setting in. The crew is now starting to catch the attention of the Detroit residents and eyes peer at us from the black burka’s scattered around the course. Beer three and Cakehole throws in the towel, the PBR’s are too much for him to handle and he’s now DNF’d, PensilVein is also feeling it as he dances around staring at the ground trying to keep from blowing chunks… and he DNF’s. VaGiant, Pony and P3 are now knocking on the back door as the three of them battle for their places in the lineup. I Am Not A Cock working on making this a PR beer mile. Pubio, well… cums late….glass bottles and officially takes last place. Good Job to all the wanks who participated and the peanut gallery for cheering us on as we battled this epic challenge.
Offical times..
March 30, 2014
COMB 7:59
Chicken Dick 9:15
Diaper Rash 9:48
Asti Spunk on Me 11:48
No Pussy for You 11:58
Just Dylan 12:38
P3 13:04
VaGiant 13:15
Ride the Pony 13:31
I Am Not a Cock 15:36
Pubio 24:12 (16:13)
Wanks of Shame (DNF’s)
PensilVein
Cakehole
On-On
P3