Hares: PennsylVein, Sharin’ Fluids, Used Virgin, Just Mallory

Hashers: Six o’Cock, The Rapist, Coxcykle, Penis Pimp, Tranny Head, After School Special, Trim My Bush, Sex & Ate, Ring Around the Russel, Toxic Crotch, Olive Dick, Cakehole, Diaper Rash, Ride the Pony, Lube My Beads, Cum On My Back-teria, Winter Merkin, No Pussy 4 Him, Chicken Dick, Pubio, Stickless, a bunch of Justs, a bunch of Virgins.

Saturday afternoon was like any other with our pack of asses. The Virgins and Justs were plentiful, all the more to sacrifice to the beer gods. Many were donning the quite fashionable Shiggy socks, because the trail prediction called for it, and we always believe everything posted on the calendar…  Pennsyl had the bum ankle, while Just Mallory had her wrist wrapped up, but hey, at least it wasn’t the “good” wrist…COMB surprised everyone with his newly uncovered little boy face, causing TrannyHead to relieve himself behind the nearby construction trailer. And, as always, the local police force decided to pay us a couple of visits and park a cruiser just outside of circle, causing us to abstain from alcohol for ten fucking minutes, and that was really hard. He either was waiting for his next HJ, BJ or ZJ, or he was just the voyeuristic type that liked to watch Diaper and Cakehole play grab-ass.

The walkers and runners galloped through trails that were all too well groomed by the hares. TMB and Merkin took individual moments to admire the scenery. Next time though, we want to see some Edward Scissorhands sculptures, you wanks. I request a dolphin wearing a cowboy hat, and TMB said he wanted a chile pepper with a sombrero on its head (who said head?)…that or a penis. Some Virgin was forgetful and dropped an arm band, while a hare was forgetful by dropping the trail map. In that heat the first beer check couldn’t have cum soon enough. Sharin’ was well equipped with her cereal box purse for a quick sugar fix. Greedily we gulped our beverages and coated our faces and hands with orange salty food, then moved along.

TMB performed par for the course and failed to show up to the second beer check. The rest of us sauntered back to the cars and found to our amazement not only TMB but Chicken Dick, fresh and ready to run. No big deal Chicken, we only started an hour earlier than you thought. The accusations were plentiful, including the few late cummers, Ring Around the Russel’s infamous pant-shitting birthday celebration, Pennsyl’s 200th hash to date, and the abundant racists, including COMB’s completion of his first 100 miler. Half of the hash rendezvoused at the Holiday Inn, where only the classiest took a room afterward. Allegedly a Virgin receives an dishonorable mention for getting plastered and passing out in the On-After’s bathroom for a solid forty minutes…congratulations. ‘Til next trail. ON-ON!