Hash Trash: Hot Person (Not) Interhash 2022

Well well well, there was a hash last weekend. A big hash! It wasn’t interhash, but it was… close enough. We gathered at the extremely hospitable (too hospitable???) Red Roof Inn in adorable Lake Orion for a weekend of revelry, r#nning, and… other things too, for some people.

Folks started the pre-lube early Friday afternoon and Scottish, Slurpee and others enjoyed free beers purchased for them because someone’s wife died? Sounded sad to me, but they didn’t seem unhappy about it. Asti and I arrived a bit later and found out that the advertised “bar crawl” was actually just walking from the hotel to the next door bar because no one could order an Uber. Disappointing, so we took tequila shots to drown our sorrows. The bar, G’s Pizzeria, turned out to be very accommodating of our chaos. We welcomed out-of-towners Birthday Gurrl and Tub Puppet and “someone” accidentally mistook Analytical for Creeping Charlie. Oops. Creeping Charlie was confused when Scottish texted asking when he would be joining us because he was, in fact, many hours away. Many hashers befriended locals and some other shit happened, but I am the wrong person to ask about it because my memory opted to depart me about midnight. I do know that at least one (1) reversal occurred but I won’t name names on that one.

ANYWAY, Saturday morning most of us woke up (not Whip) and found food somewhere; Asti and I made our first of two (2) trips to Johnny Black’s Lakehouse for brunch, where we also saw B.G. and Tub Puppet. Asti thought it would be an awesome idea to eat four pounds of steak and eggs 1.5 hours before the hash; interesting choice. We then r#n to the hash holding our beers for the beer snob, except we accidentally r#n an extra 2.7 miles because everyone failed to tell us about the shortcut, which my pounding headache did not appreciate. Shockingly, everyone (not Whip) made it in time for the start of the hash, and Diaper Rash begged people to show him their urethras. As far as I know, no one complied. Sorry, Diaper. Banjo and VaGIANT laid some very good trail; thanks also to Scottish and Spank for being great beer bitches. While lovely, the trail was mostly uneventful, although the boob check coming into BN3 was a delight for all. Yay boobs! I fell on my face during the third leg, and like all good hashers, everyone around me avoided helping in any way, shape or form. And Ditch Bitch had to be hunted down after turning the wrong way on trail despite a full BN happening directly in front of her. Oh, also, Black & Tan may or may not have almost died. Maybe it wasn’t so uneventful after all…

Circle was quite raucous, complete with Diaper performing Old MacDonald, Asti offering up a great effort at the safety sleeve, and delicious beer brewed by Banjo that was like 10% alcohol and very dangerous. Whip It Out had arrived by then (yay – he’s alive!) and in VERY EXCITING hash news, he was crowned the new GM! Long may he reign. 

After circle, we headed back to the good ole Red Roof to prepare for dinner, once again at G’s – yay! That place is awesome. Much pizza and beer were consumed, and Turkey Twat made a moving speech. We also had a naming! Just Vinnie became Me So Horny, because someone, somewhere told him to blow a vuvuzela every time he saw a mark of any kind. Why??? Congratulations Me So Horny on not getting murdered by Spank Bank for that.

The fun continued after dinner in the hotel pool which was supposed to close at 10pm but absolutely did not. Some other curious guests joined us to onlook and we gave them beers. Cock Lobster and Asti sat on the stairs and became the “stoop boys,” VaGIANT and I pool raced, and Diaper still wished he could see urethras. Think the night ends there? WRONG! Those of us still standing headed to Birthday Gurl and Tub Puppet’s room for continued antics. My personal evening finally ended when I dragged Asti back to eat Triscuits and cheese with me before immediately falling asleep. Hope everyone else had a nice night. 

Sunday morning the Fat Boy began at 10am. Whip It Out generously served mimosas from the back of his car, but also had a lot of whiskey… I avoided that like the plague. All things considered, it was a pretty jolly crew who went on the Fat Boy, which was about a quarter mile total around the perimeter of G’s (because we couldn’t leave out our new favorite restaurant of course). We encountered some other r#nners who had just finished a long r#n and they regretted not doing what we were doing (specifically, drinking and purposefully not r#nning). After fond farewells to all, Asti, VaGIANT and I paid one more visit to the Lakehouse for brunch, where no one got the steak and eggs this time.

Awesome weekend all, sorry about everything I couldn’t remember to include. Looking forward to the next one. Leave a positive review for the Red Roof if you can. On-on!

-Slip’n’Ride