Hash Trash 08Jan2022, First Official Hash of the Year 2022 (or more accurately, 2020 3.0), Run #1706
Yeah, yeah….I’m late with submitting hash trash. But those of you who know me – me being late?? – that’s right on par!
So, we had a hash, and temperature was a balmy 27deg with virtually no sun to be seen.
I pull up in my grocery-getter pick-up to find 7 hashers, 4 of which turned out to be the hares. Backstage Ass and Service Dog are likely being voluntold (last minute?) to hare the walker trail as Cockwell not-so-secretly goes over a map.
We circled up near the back of Buhr Park, which appeared seemingly empty until Cox needed to empty himself near a gathering of trees, only to have found VD and Just Ethan! They were perusing the area for a pleasant winter afternoon walk, thereby effectively thwarting Cox’s unplanned bathroom break.
After a very brief chalk talk, which included marks such as “SBC” and “Dino Footprint” that would surely, absolutely, positively NOT be used, the hares were off. That left Sex N Ate to wander Ann Arbor by himself, and then Cox, Asti Spunk On Me and Spank Bank (me!) to tackle the runner trail.
Trail went well for about 0.25 miles….and then it didn’t. The 3 of us ran around like assholes after approaching a whichy-way, which….is supposed to mean “whichever way you go, both paths are true trail.” I don’t think the hares knew what this mark meant. Ah well. Moving on. So, there we were, running all over the area for a good 20-25 (felt like 40?) minutes until we FINALLY happened upon a check! This was a grand feat because there were no visible trail marks for us wanks between the whichy-way and the check. We thought we were finally in the clear….until we weren’t.
We encountered several checks with either no marks in between or 100% of all marks ne’er to be found oh…a good 0.3 miles apart. The hares were really making us work for our beer! We thankfully encountered an FRB or 2, which lifted our spirits on this shitty trail.
On more than one occasion, we encountered some imposing intersections that had no less than 5 various directions. With only 3 hashers to choose the true trail, we spent a bit longer than the average group of wankers. We also (actually!) encountered SBCs, where finding true trail was even harder (recall that I recall, there were no marks or expertly hidden marks). Eventually, we came to Packard, where Cockwell was waiting to perform chivalry to guide us into the 1st BN. “You did take longer than I thought,” grinning mischievously. Spank did some bitching here and there, and again at Casa de Cock N Ride (new married collective hash name?), and she quickly got over it. Slip N Ride waited at LEAST 5 min to throw Cockwell under the bus, stating that she was actually encouraging the proper laying down of marks.
Then, the hares were out. Only to have the hare return after 5 of his allotted 10 minutes to retrieve his car keys, and then the hare was out again. Sex was finishing his 3rd BN beer (because the runner wankers were SO LATE!), so the runners left him behind to once again, take on this shitty trail.
Slip N Ride must have pulled rank, because the second half was marked a tad better. We had 2 more FRBs, the second of which was leading to a False. Asti and Spank found the delicious Coconut Brown Ale from some Yooper brewery hidden practically underneath a dumpster, of which Cox missed because he was too fast on true trail. We also encountered TWO dino checks! Apparently, Spank completely missed one, which entailed a front yard that was filled to the brim with weird dinosaur artifacts and toys, to which she was deeply disappointed, being a lover of all things dino.
We all made it to the second BN, reveling in the joy that is end of trail…but not so much. We still had about a 0.5M to go back to the start, so after chatting for a few minutes, sharing a beer and few laughs, we made it back to the start! Circle was short since all the wanks were frozen and many families had gathered in the area for sledding.
· Trail was about 7miles, but was supposed to be around 6, so the extra trail miles are due to the pack not being able to follow the marks and the hares not laying marks
· Unsure if there was an on-after, as Spank had to get back to her hubs and spawn to have dinner and settle down for the night at 6p.
· All in all, to quote Cockwell “Like all things new and shiny it’s bound to disappoint you somehow, but dammit, I have a non-zero degree of confidence that it will be better than no trail at all.” And, wouldn’t you know, he was right.
Hares: I’d Do Norman Cockwell, Slip N Ride, Backstage Ass
Hounds: Sex and Ate, Asti Spunk on Me, Coxcycle, Spank Bank
Actual Hounds (and Hare!): Service Dog?