Hares: Udderly F-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-ucked, How’d He Do Me, Just Arthur

Hashers: Phantom of the Areola, Sex & Ate, Lube My Beads, Tranny Head, Scottish Fingercuffs, Slurpee 2nds, Diaper Rash, Ride the Pony, Poop Skywalker, It’s Pretty Tight, Big Fat Fuck, Don’key, Touch Myself In General, Semper Pi, Creeping Charlie, I’m Not A Cock, Rambush: First Blood, No Pussy 4 Him, BOSS, SOG, Suzie Chapsdicks, Mother Inferior, Analytical, 2 Vicodin & a Bottle of Wine, Willing Filling, Speed Semen, Chicken Dick, Olive Dick, Maggot, Coxcykle, Penis Pimp, Cum On My Back-teria, Winter Merkin, Just Boys and Just Girls and Virgins.

The hashers grabbed their woody hats, snake mugs, buckles and donned their finest cut-off jean booty shorts and saddled up for the themed Oregon Trail Hash, which met outside of the fine and fitting establishment, Diamondback Saloon. Lube My Beads was honored with his own Honey Badger t-shirt all the way from the mountain tops of Colorado, and also adorned with the sweet nectar of fellow h@shers’ home brew concoction: Lube My Beer.

The trail featured a variety of dead animals (none to adopt, POTA, sorry), including the floating and bloating dead dog in the water towards the end. Willing asked for a chivalrous hand as everyone trudged through the dark sewer tunnel. A lost soul was found in the murky waters later to be laid to rest in the nearby cemetery, and No Pussy and Merkin both failed miserably at fording the river crossing. With a Boob Check on the overpass, the hashers waltzed their way into their shady 1st Beer Check. And naturally when hashers aren’t r#nning but are drinking beer, they tend to get creative. Chicken Dick hung upside down on the jungle gym and monkey down-downed a beer. Many male and female hashers had chalky boobs drawn on them. Others had rolled around on the stained and holey mattresses.

The second Beer Check was certainly earned after miles of wandering. The Turkey/Eagle Check gave more FRBs to Turkeys, possibly because the Eagles had gotten a little lost along the way?? At one point, Rambush whipped out an extra honey packet from her “stash” to compliment the rich flavors of the cream ales of the FRBs, pleasing Lube to no end.

At Ceremonies, some overachievers received down-downs for their overzealous running feats, including Diaper’s and COMB’s Leadville accomplishments. Lots of Chivalry was shown on trail, as was some blood and plenty of cheeky skin.

‘Til next trail. ON ON!