For the handful of you that are on the edge of your seats asking yourself “Cock Lobster, how did the beer mile end?? Did you win?  You’ve always been my favorite hasher and if you were into dudes we could go live our best life in Puerta Vallarta.  I’ll be Gopher and you can be Captain Steubing” to which I would reply, first off, calm down Cakehole, but never say never.  Memories are already hazy but the wearer of the crown for three years running is Heavy Load!! Huzzah!! All hail his lack of a gag reflex!!

Here’s how we think the race shook out. 

1) Heavy Load

2) Ring Around the Russell (He drank Heineken zero, but due to heavy carbonization it was allowed)

3) Six O’Cock (Basically replacing Diaper Rash in beer miler skill and apparel)

4) Cock Lobstah

5) Pliable Wood

6) Tranny Head (Drinking Mike’s Hard lemonade — I do not think he would recommend it.)

7) Ass Islander

8) Internal Cock — Last in time, but not in the hearts of the people. Choked down his final beer, choked down a raisin and a walnut from his breakfast before it became a penalty, and was run in by his incredibly sportsmanlike competitors. Kudos to him and AI, who have now notched their first, but hopefully not last beer mile. Applause!! Applause!! Vociferous Applause!!. Please see attached file. I don’t think it’s a virus.

– Cock Lobster