WELL WELL WELL we had a hash today! A virgin hare decided to pop his cherry and lay trail on what turned out to be a beautiful spring day in Ann Arbor. Some might say it was TOO BEAUTIFUL! Roundabout 20 of us gathered at *new location* Lockett Park for the on-start. Unfortunately, the hares were nowhere to be found because they were still busily attempting to pre-lay walker trail, which turned out not to matter because the walkers just do what they want. ANYWAY, that’s getting ahead of things. Just Nate (stay tuned for a name change) wished to embrace the spirit of Madonna for his first haring and deemed the hash “Like a Virgin” themed. The tunes were pumping and spirits were high but sadly 14 out of 20 hashers seemed unable to comprehend or celebrate the theme in any way. Shouts out to Just Lena, Whip It Out, Hairy Tramp Stamp, Norman Cockwell, Just Rachel and Ditch Bitch for actually dressing accordingly. 

Everyone got very bored and finally we had circle about 30 minutes late and hares were off, with one of them (shockingly) immediately getting in a car and driving away. Those of us veteran hashers all agreed we’d rarely seen such a thing. To be perfectly honest, from then on trail was completely delightful and executed in a way that is rarely seen in MoA2H3; thank you to Just Nate for scouting on both foot and bike and making it seamless. Both the runners and walkers enjoyed leg 1, with a great mix of trail, park, neighborhood and ~urban area~. All were disappointed that we didn’t go directly into Trader Joes and instead just buzzed the entrance, but, you know, next time! Just Todd and I agreed that there were simply “too few checks” (read: too fucking many), but we were comforted by some Southern Comfort at an FRB. The walkers and runners arrived nearly simultaneously at the BN at Buhr Park where nothing of note happened.

Leg 2 commenced as expected and the runners got a sneak peak look at Ann Arbor’s new affordable housing development. Looks fucking nicer than my house so good for the people who get to live there! An angry Ukrainian woman shouted at the runners as we ran down Kimberly and her dog liked us even less, which was the worst and most notable thing that happened on leg 2. MYOB! Don’t you have bigger fish to fry? I heard the walkers almost snared a hare but didn’t pants him? So, if you snare a hare and don’t pants him did you really snare a hare? If a tree falls in the woods, etc…

Everyone arrived back at the on-start/on-in within 2 minutes of each other which was sort of incredible. Sex and Ate designated Slurpee to run circle and he did… “ok.” Many accusations were tossed about and the songbook was bumping for this one. Handy Capable showed up out of the blue to annoy us for 4 minutes and then ran 6 more miles. Apparently she’d been “napping.” America, haven’t we banned women from doing that by now? MOST IMPORTANTLY, Just Nate got NAMED!!!!!!!!!!! Wanks, please re-introduce yourselves to The Jugglenut. Ask him the origins. It’s good. 

The hash then attempted to retire to a closed Biercamp so ultimately retired to Mothfire, which actually worked out well with a large table, open air, good beers and dog-friendly energy. People caressed one another under the table when they thought they were petting Service Dog, low blood pressures were remedied, and stories were poorly told (mainly by me). 

Overall, 10/10 hash, thanks to everyone who gave good energy and to the hares who worked hard and made the thing happen. #chivalry

If you’re able, attend Banjo’s birthday hash next weekend and don’t forget to RSVP for the on-after! Beyond that—hares needed! Sign up! You too could experience the glory of haring a good hash like The Jugglenut! Email me to claim a date.

Love,

Slip’N-Ride