Courtesy of Mrs. Rambush: First Blood~

Hares: Heavy Load, with co-haring-pudding-shot-makers, Sharin’ Fluids
and Show & Tell

Hashers: 2 Vicodin & a Bottle of Wine, AnalLytical, Asti Spunk On Me,
Babe, B.O.S., Back Check 2, Cakehole, Coxcykle, Cum on My Back-teria,
Damaged Goods, Diaper Rash, Dripstick, I am Not a Cock, Jaws, Pennsil
Vein, Poop Sky Walker, Rambush: First Blood, Ride the Pony, Scottish
Finger Cuffs, Sex & Ate, Sleeps in her Sister’s Bed, Slurpee 2nds,
S.O.G., SuziChapsDicks, The Rapist, Too Drunk 2 Fuck, Tranny Head,
Udderly Fu-u-u-u-cked, VaGiant, VD, Winter Merkin, Just Beth, Just
Dave, Just Jessica, Just Mallory, Just Shannon, Just Corey, and a few others that
didn’t sign in
Special Guest appearances at the wedding: Black Box, Whip It Out and
Foster Child

Hashers gathered together, dressed in their Piratical finest. After much deliberation between riding a kayak or a canoe or Udderly’s flowy hammer pants, we were off to pillage and plunder the shallow rivers of Ann Arbor. The kayakers skimmed down the rapids with much grace and ease, while the canoe’rs, not so much. With the veteran Sailors being the first to overturn their canoe, the adventure began in true hasher fashion.

The pirates paddled downstream, while jockeying to be within throwing distance of Sharon Fluids and her pudding shots. Much beer was exchanged and consumed by all, while trying to avoid the ramming speed of Diaper and VaGiant. More beer was consumed and vessels overturned until we got to the first beer check, where Just Beth and VaGiant competed in a duel. Just Beth broke her sword and needed more pudding shots to drown her misery, resulted in her shouts of ‘Aim It At My
Face!’

More beer, paddling, dumping, pillaging and pudding brought us to the second beer check. Sex & Ate officiated a tear/ pant-jerking nuptial for Heavy Load and VD. Dressed in his finest booty shorts, Heavy Load never found his dignity, but he did find a lovely wench, er bride.

Back in our vessels, we paddled with an urgent need to get back to the dock before the vans stopped running. Well, all except for VaGiant who, in true pirate form, decided to bridge-jump into unsuspecting vessels, pillaging to the very end.

Everyone managed to make it back to the On-Start. Too Drunk r*n back with Diaper, who tried to r*n his way back to sobriety, failing miserably. Ceremonies were like a hand-job with your mom in the next room: Quick, sloppy and unsatisfying. With all the drunken debauchery, analversaries were skipped. Some hashers managed to get blood on trail
(WTF?), and Virgins were honored. Diaper Rash managed to fall over a cooler and admire all the dick in his face. With VaGiant being on top of his game all day, he promptly turned over the Hash Shit to Diaper for this memorable occasion. Thus, ceremonies were suspended until the On-After.

At the On-After, Heavy Load continued to try and find his dignity, because it definitely wasn’t hiding in his booty shorts. Ceremonies were re-opened, and Just Beth was appropriately named ‘Aim It At My Face’. Poop Sky Walker then regaled us with a tale of Just Dave. At his last hash, Just Dave was bit on the ass by Show & Tell. After a visit to the doctor, and said doctor seeing the bite-mark bruise, Just Dave was told that he should use safe words. So Just Dave will now be
known as “No Safe Word”.

‘Til next trail! ON-ON!