Hares: Coxcycle, Cum On My Back-teria, Sex and Ate, Broken Boner
Hashers: Full Mental Jacket, Trim My Bush, After School Special, Vagiant, Touch Myself In General, Semper Pi, Hep-C, I’m Not a Cock, Rambush: First Blood, Diaper Rash, Ride the Pony, Maggot, Big Fat Fuck, Donkey, Scottish Fingercuffs, Slurpee Seconds, Whip It Out, Tranny Head, Phantom of the Areola, Pubio, Six O’Cock, The Rapist, Show ‘n Tell, Cakehole, Stickless and Badass daughter, Olive Dick, SOG, BOS, Decorated Asshole, KY King, Mother Inferior, Analytical, Suzie Chapsdicks, Chicken Dick, Altered Boy, Back Check 2, Damaged Goods, No Pussy for Him, Poop Skywalker, Just Scott, Just Alyssa, Just Monica, Just Mallory, Just Chris, Just Beth, Winter Merkin, others of high importance.
I’M SO FUCKING ANGRY AND I DON’T KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Turns out, the hash was frustrating, long and sloppy, much like Altered Boy’s last relationship and Donkey and Diaper’s last peanut butter rendezvous. Some hashers tried to change the start location by a few hundred feet, out of spite and wankiness. SO MANY hashers showed up to this fury-filled “HULK SMASH” hash, including a couple of well received virgins and some forgotten faces (Back Check 2, we thought you died). The fury was felt as hard in the wind as it was in SOG’s shorts and in all of our middle fingers.
The railroad tracks sucked. The swamps and several water crossings were a deep pain in the ASS. The continual searching for the BN made us want to vomit and stab people. The fact that the hares left FRB beers with 0% alcohol in them was a Danza-slap in the face. The only thing that saved us from total revolt was the life-saving High Life wading in coolers for us.
Circle was heavy in accusations and celebrations. I’m Not A Cock shared his birthday with us with delicious velvet cake shots. Other hashers did a down-down for not celebrating their birthdays with us, assholes. Too many people in our kennel were overachievers this weekend with the Martian and Big House Big Heart races. Amongst the analversaries, Diaper and Suzie celebrated their 210th hash, Sex drank to his 1030th, and COMB drank to his 99th. The night closed at the Brown Jug, where hashers were accompanied by the always loveable Heavy Load, and also by Vagiant’s DD– err ladyfriend.