Hares: Ben Wa Ball-less, Chicken Dick, Jaws
Hashers: PennsylVein, I’m Not a Cock, Rambush: First Blood, Trannyhead, Dr. NILF, Rubber Gloves, Just Talent, After School Special, Trim My Bush, Hep-C, Semper Pi, Touch Myself In General, Back Check 2, Altered Boy, Vagiant, Decorated Asshole, No Pussy For Him, Cakehole, Ride the Pony, Diaper Rash, Winter Merkin!
The hares hadn’t even dropped their balls…of flour on the ground, and there were already ambulances and the police brigade surrounding our belligerent gang of wanks. Fortunately, no attention was paid to us and our open containers, which further proves the amount of fucks Walled Lake/ Commerce cops give to half naked loiterers and kilted sketchy drunk-asses. Instead there was just a vehicle pulled over with a driver in distress. When No Pussy found out the individual being carted off in a stretcher was female, his anal beads went flying with the wind as he sprinted after her…. but no dice, No Pussy. Rambush wore a cock on her head, but not I’m Not a Cock’s. Although Chicken Dick vowed in his email that he would not screw up this hash, his admittance to being drunk during circle only foreshadowed the inevitable (getting the “shitty trail” song at ceremonies).
Yours truly did not get to gallop with the running hashers, but instead frolicked with the walkers on the bike paths and road shoulders, amongst the flying dust, used condoms and local roadkill. The first FRB was in the buttocks of Ben Wa’s truck, filled with delicious chocolate stouts and other flavorful foamy goodness (PennsylVein not included). The runners were weaving through the neighborhoods and dodging cars. The first beer check was being safely guarded by the Hispanic biker gang, ages 7-12 I’d say, behind the humble “Dick” abode. TMB and Vagiant proved themselves again to be the worst at following true trail, and showed up late, a little extra sweaty and all smiles. The Decorated Asshole was nowhere in sight during the entire hash, and although people questioned his whereabouts, we all knew he was drinking all the beer back at the cars.
The second half of the trail included some waist deep sludge in one of the many fine swampy lakes the town has to offer, and the second beer check was quickly retreated back to the cars. At Ceremonies, a potential name was attempted for our Just Talent, but put on hold. The wind gave us all a cheeky look at a few raised kilts, and a few spilled nuts. During the kilt blessing of Jaws, Pony demonstrated some chivalrous behavior and therefore was assisted in a safety down-down by the hand of Rambush: First Blood. I had the background music to that same scene in Flashdance playing in my head. The on after continued at the Bayside Grille, where you can find all of your DSL’s and venereal diseases on any weeknight or weekend. Until next trail! ON ON!