2012.12.21 Hash Trash (the disappointing end of the world)
COMB has had this on his Agenda almost as long as the 12.12.12 hash. Needless to say, he made sure it was poorly planned and relied entirely on the expertise of Rambush, I Am Not A Cock, and Winter Merkin to get most of the pack to the On-In.
In the beginning, it was cold. Really fucking cold. Really, really fucking cold. We could keep going here, but I assume the point has found its way across. It was so cold, COMB forgot to mention there would be Turkey/Eagle splits during circle, though the pack inevitably figured that out. The real genius of this trail was that it was dark enough that a headlamp should be worn, but for some damn reason the snow kept it light enough that headlamps were almost unnecessary. Hares could routinely be found passing within feet of unknowing hashers, and this only caused a hare to get snared once as COMB found his way back from an unintentionally long false and Ben Wa and Coxcykle had managed to take check correctly. Their need for pantsing was averted by the presence of a bottle of La Fin du Monde for them to split. Eventually, the hares all wound their way to the first beer check.
Apparently getting to the first beer check was more complicated than the hares had anticipated for a special drunken few (S&T, CAKEHOLE!!!!!, and Just Candice) as they were passed about a quarter mile after their departure from BN1. Following the hares departure, COMB promptly ran out of flour and proceeded to lay the eagle trail mostly in footprints and urine. Consequently, the eagles discovered the extra super double secret special eagle trail, which was really the eagle trail followed by the turkey trail. All hashers arrived safely to BN2 grabbed a beer for the walk back to the cars and took off for Casa de Cum on my Merkin for Pizza, ceremonies, and wedding vow renewals.
The on after had snack foods and beers in abundance, the hares were lauded for their exceptional trail (THANKS RAMBUSH, I AM NOT A COCK, and WINTER MERKIN!!!! that cum on my back-teria asshole is a terrible hare). In a shocking turn of events, No Pussy 4 Him hit on absolutely nobody and was given a celebratory down-down for his self control. Upon winding down the customary part of ceremonies, Sex & Ate led the hash through a vow renewal ceremony for two of our hares in honor of their 20th wedding analversary, Rambush:First Blood and I Am Not A Cock. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! There was much rejoicing, and red velvet cake shots in sparkling white wine. Those were gross, so a significant portion of the hash proceeded to chase them with standard red velvet cake shots (DELICIOUS).
Word has it Lube My Beer made an appearance with Lube My Beads on speakerphone, but that can neither be confirmed nor denied.
Not such a bad way to not end the world.