Yes! There was a hash yesterday! Or did a lot of people just gather in a Metropark to fall on their asses on ice? You decide. Anyway, there we were standing around waiting for circle to start when Lord of the Banjos gets a phone call. His facial expression transforms from confusion to shock to horror. Who’s on the other end of the line? No Pussy of course, who has been dropped off accidentally by his Uber 2 miles from the on-start. Oh well. Nobody cares that much. Moments later, just as we begin to come together for circle, an unfamiliar car drives up, NP in the passenger seat. Okay, he got another Uber, fine. NOPE. He SUCKERED A CIVILIAN into driving him to the on-start. This is already the worst hash of my life.
The hares head out, and in an unusual fit of timeliness, the pack departs exactly 10 minutes after the hares leave, hopes of snagging them dancing in our heads. Unfortunately these hopes are dashed quickly when the entire r#nner pack gets lost half a mile in. I believe this can be mostly blamed on Dung Shit, who claimed he checked for trail one way but only saw 2 marks and turned around, when in fact… there were many marks in that direction and it was indeed true trail. The rest of the hash is hardly worth writing about as it involved a SAD lack of FRBs, a whole lot of ice and by some counts a 5.5 mile leg one. I would be able to report more, but I couldn’t hear anything over VaGIANT’s whining. We did enjoy a lovely BN at the home of Just Trevor, Just Lucia and Just Evelyn, complete with a bonfire and Busch Light (the Busch Light was not lovely). Asti had arrived there allegedly hours before anyone else, having lost trail early on and short-cutted his way straight to the BN. Suspicious.
The wise among us (women, also… Sex & Ate) did not do the second leg of trail and simply headed straight back to the cars, leaving the rest of the pack in the lurch as they forlornly waited hopelessly at a boob check. Eventually everyone made it back, and closing circle was lead halfheartedly by VaGIANT, who was still mad that he had had to move his body for 5 miles or something.
A few of us “enjoyed” an on-after at Homes Brewery in Ann Arbor, where VaGIANT was so starved after his labors of the day that he couldn’t remember what he’d ordered and ate the entirety of Show & Tell’s meal. Show himself was already angry that there was “tofu on the menu” at Homes, so he forlornly ate VaGIANT’s chicken wings and regaled us with stories of hashes of old. He departed to get White Castle on his way home to make up for being within 20 feet of tofu. Norman Cockwell and I drank some beverages and spent our life savings because… damn, Homes is expensive. I’ll close with what I already knew to be true before even setting out on trail: worst hash of my life.

-Slip’n’Ride