Norman Cockwell and Slip-n-Ride Haring

Norman Cockwell and Slip-n-Ride Haring

So THERE WE WERE at the Beer Grotto in Dexter listening to VAgiant explain to No Pussy that No Pussy’s new job is actually a demotion and not a promotion. Asti asked me if I was nervous to co-hare with Norman Cockwell, which I thought was a strange question until we actually started the hash and I realized that Cockwell had not told me diddly about trail route and I had no idea where I was going 95% of the time. Anyway, VAgiant led circle and we welcomed some virgins and almost-virgins who seemed appropriately confused by everything and Diaper went on about a Keurig that he had in his car for some reason.

Cockwell, walker hare Just Dan and myself set out to lay trail and it was not until the first Beer Near that I realized that the flour bag I had borrowed from VAgiant had a huge hole in it so there was just a trail of flour leading folks on the right trail. Dangit! The Dexter locals seemed delighted by the presence of hashers in their quaint little town and many were interested in what was going on and wanted to take pictures of Cockwell who was wearing a mermaid tale and an iridescent unicorn hat. Cockwell told me to lay an SBC down but I accidentally laid an F, which seemed close enough to me but apparently confused the pack. What gives? We made it to the first BN and Just Dan was already there waiting for the beer to become available. The walkers arrived first, led by Sex, and VAgiant was the first of the r#nners to arrive (unclear how this happened), followed closely by Osti, Diaper, Just Kari, Just Lucia and the rest of the pack. Apparently Diaper got it in his head that he should go off trail and run through a swamp for no reason whatsoever, and acquired some blood on trail in the process, so he ran up with blood running down his leg looking for sympathy which was not readily given. For some reason Diaper and Vagiant decided to have a conversation with each other where they were both shouting at the top of their lungs.

Beers were had, off go the hares to lay Leg 2 of trail, which becomes disastrous immediately when I get lost and have no idea what to do. Finally I find Cockwell again and we have to pose for a picture that some ladies in an SUV asked if they could take. We lay some FRBs to keep the pack off our heels and start work on the T/E split. Unfortunately, Cockwell mislayed some trail, allowing some of the pack to potentially completely skip 3/4 of a mile of trail and when I next saw him he was hiding behind a shrub in some innocent people’s driveway as the pack roared by behind him. Whoops. We have to sprint like all get out to make it to the 2nd BN before the pack catches us and barely have time to even lay marks.

Sex complained that the 2nd BN was in the same location as the first and “he knew he should have just sat there and kept drinking” instead of doing leg 2 of trail. Circle Jerk? You betcha. I had falsely promised TMI that there would be bourbon at the 2nd BN and he was very disappointed to find that it was just the same old beers. All of the FRBs had been tall boys of NATTY RUSH, so many of the r#nners were not entirely sober upon arrival at the 2nd BN, namely Asti, who kept threatening to fill his fridge with Natty Rush and then host a party where everyone is locked in the house until the Natty Rush is gone. Not sure if that sounds like a party or a hostage situation, but whatever.

VAgiant led ceremonies and many accusations were made, including against VAgiant himself who had mistaken salt on the road for trail markings. Yikes. Also for some reason anyone who had ever been married had to drink, not sure how that came about. At this point we realize that Uncle Touchy is missing, but no one seems to care that much. We continued on to Aubree’s for the on-after, where we generally disrupted the entire restaurant and Just Dan had to buy some old people who complained a dessert to make them feel better. No Pussy gave a monologue on art criticism which was poorly received by all. Finally someone points out that Uncle Touchy is STILL missing and Cockwell is about to go look for him when he wanders into the restaurant unscathed but with no plausible explanation for where he had been for the past 1.5 hours.
No one actually complimented us on it, but overall we decided it was a great hash.



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