Maple Hash

Maple Hash

Maple Hash Trash – Run #1742 – 4/23/23           

SO, there we were. After a string of bad luck weather for all of his (or our) harings, Banjo was in greater luck this time – we had a beautiful day for a hash. After braving a 4yr old bday party, leaving before cake was served, and unabashedly leaving the angry dessert-barren children with my mother, I headed on down to Maybury State Park to pick up Banjo at the BN after some walker trail pre-layings. We headed in to ON-Start (Head? Who said head?).

The alcohol was flowing – Maple beer and Maple Seltzer that is, since Banjo brought Home Brew for everyone to imbibe in – AND brought some Maple Pop as well. Hash had an amazing turn-out and was chock full of backsliders! Was nice to see some familiar faces! I also handed out some PURE HASHING swag orders, but Jose Queervo still never showed. I mean Dom Queervo. I mean Don Queervo? Oops. Gonna drink for that.

My attempt at blessing the hare was meager at best, but hey – no one stepped up so I gave it a shot (I’ve since reached out to Semper and I have some in hand for next time! No guarantees or promises it will be any better than this hash). Off the hare went to lay the r#nner trail all lonesome like. Good luck Banjo!

Well, good luck to us as well. It was a beautiful, twisty windy traily hash. I must have been out of practice with hashing because GOOD LORD I missed a few true trails. I would only find 2 marks and then turn around to scout some more, only to find that Jar Jar or Slurpee found true trail on the route that was on. Welp. Turns out I was on true trail at least 4 times, but just kinda gave up? I do remember the FRB here. It was so very boozy and dessert-like, that we took our time. Cockwell got there first, but in an act of chivalry (or self-preservation?) waited to share it with the rest of us wanks when we finally arrived.

We got to the BN! Well, the r#nners did. In fact, we were there waiting for the “lost” walkers for OVER 45 MINUTES. Cockwell, Slurpee, and Banjo engaged in acts of chivalry and went to go look for them, but no luck. Off we went, hoping to run into them. [Apparently, when a bunch of backslider walkers see 4, 5, 6 marks in a row, but they don’t IMMEDIATELY see a 7th, they just turn around and go back to the start? What in the actual F.]

Back half the trail was definitely more…eventful. Felt like a**holes r#unning around looking for true trail after a BC 3….and we could NOT locate the 3rd mark. We just ran around in circles for awhile until we eventually found it, like true hashers. Another spot, we thought we were on, but we really weren’t…we came back down the trail and there was a check on the back of the sign. Weird. Why is that there? Why would Banjo hide a check on the back of a sign if there’s no marks? What a jerk [Oops we’re dumb – we cut trail AND missed an FRB]. After that, we cruised on single track for what felt like 6miles, but was really only 2. I kept up with Cockwell pretty hard until I got to a check, scouted, wasn’t on, decided to cut a switchback to catch up….and promptly got whacked in the face with a….thorny branch (sorry to disappoint). My nose felt like it was on fire and was bleeding. Nose was bleeding to the end, through circle, til almost on-after. That’s what I get for cheating!

We finally made it to the Maple Shelter (Banjo leaned in hard with the theme) and we imbibed some more. Since I attempted to bless the hares at On-Start, I was immediately voluntold by WHIP to co-RA the circle. I did a horrible wonderful job. I have new respect for those leading the circle – all the songs leave your brain when you enter the vortex to lead, I swear. But I did OK-ish and for the FIRST TIME that I can recall in recent history we didn’t f*ck up “May the Hash Go In Peace.” I should have recorded it.


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