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Blueberry O Epic Weekend Hash

Blueberry O Epic Weekend Hash

O Ohh What a Weekend….

The “O” started flowing as the Kilted Hash crew filed into the Tilted Kilt like a Boss. IMNaC muscling the management into getting us a spot behind the bar. Soon the party started to grow and the table takeover started. Beer, food and Hashers everywhere. The Weekend of O Ohh kicked off with a bang and there is no stopping what might happen next. Round after round and things started to get interesting. Time to take it to the next stop! Bowling, Hashers Bowl? Sort of…..NOT!!!! Novi Bowl so graciously opened there doors to us and the chaos continued! Grease lightning stunning all in his lightning print compression suit juggling balls two at a time. (INSERT YOUR MEMORIES HERE, AS I CANNOT REMEMBER ANYTHING ELSE)…..

Saturday morning came way to soon! The smell of stale beer and Drunkorexic passed out on Crunch’s couch, bowling shoes in the kitchen..Hmmm!!!! I’m guessing the night was successful. We roll ON-ON for the Mohican training r@n at Kensington! Thanks COMB for trying to change the start time. Ben-Waa you suck for mandating an early start time do to your “Must do” afternoon activities of sitting on the couch. The crew breaks up into a few different pace groups and were off. Lead group (Comb, Chicken, Drunkorexic, P3) quickly becomes derailed as nature calls, and calls barking loudly! Group 2 (Ben-Waa, Cox) shows on the scene as the first group patiently waits for “Sir Shits A lot” as he finishes and were on-on again! Around and around, up and down, up and down we manage to reach the turnaround point. Hmm, missing one, Go figure! He soon arrives, does a little wipe up, or wipe down and were off again. Group 3 (Crunchy, Spank, just Beth, Merkin) closing in with their steady pace and determination. The Kensington trail is a beautiful place to view nature as Group 3 found out. An encounter with a Muskrat causes them to shriek and quicken their pace catching up with us. Rambush was tearing up the pavement as she shook the cob-webs out from the night before and gets her miles in. We wrap up the morning with a few beers as other overachievers continue on catching their quota of miles for the day. Thanks COMB for the hospitality and the use of a shower for some.

Sunday, Blueberry O Ohh! From the inside looking out it was a beautiful spring morning, on the outside it was a bit brisk! The Hares arrive in enough time for our own little Lube-A-Thon and raising of the Flag, claiming our territory. Soon carloads of Hashers start rolling in and the hash was underway. Hares P3 and Cake start throwing blue flower, Hares Crunchy Panties and In & Out throwing lime green, marking everything high and low!!! OOPS #1, Chalk color! OOPs #2, T/E split! OOPs #3, forgot the orange food!!! Sorry all!! Trail is a nice combination of Urban and Rural, with a bit of Shiggy mixed in for good measure. BN#1 Walkers and R@nners gather as the hares quickly learn about our little mishap with the chalk! On-On to BN#2, a quick little excursion to COX’s garage, where a KEG is awaiting and soon the beer is flowing. Thanks Cox for letting us violate you property. Leg #3 and a long false thru a cemetery and true trail thru South Lyons nicest trailer park! Crunch afraid of getting snared by the Front r@nner Diaper, quickly throws down the walkers FWB and sprints back to the parking lot leaving more fuel for the front runners. Sex kept Ceremonies quick, a few Down Downs for the Virgins, Visitors and Hares, celebratory Down-Downs for Milestone’s of others, and handfuls of blue Penis cake for everybody before On-Out!

The On-After at the Lake Street Tavern was comforting as we warmed ourselves with burgers, beers and Hashy conversation. Others with a quickie “O Ohh” in the parking lot. NP, being his usual self, Spilling his cocktail and commenting on fellow Hashers attire before heading On-Out to his parents basement to watch “The Walking Dead” alone with a fresh box of tissues. The weekend of “O” is slowly coming to a close and the drive home becomes a drive down memory lane of the weekends activities with great friends!

Thanks Crunchy Panties, Cakehole and In & Out for making Blueberry O Ohh another successful Hash full of penis cakes and good times.

ON-ON
P3

PROFANITY Hash

PROFANITY Hash

Another successful Hash in the books!
PROFANITY, well F*ck it’s over! Thank god we’re all still alive and most of us with only mild cases of frostbite and hypothermia. The trail short and sweet, we’ll maybe not sweet, but definitely short. The runners were led into the snowy knee deep abyss of mayhem and uncertain woodsy doom by VAGiant and P3. The walkers shimmied carefully across the frozen tundra not to disturb mother natures glory by Rambush. The peaceful silence shaken by the filthy flow of four letter words being belted out at the top of hashers lungs! The creatures scurry to cover, afraid of being trampled alive. As the BN becomes close and the taste of beer is in the air, actually the milk I had earlier was giving me awful gas so that might be what you were tasting and not the fresh crisp winter air. So sorry! The second leg was carefully laid out on paper, left in the truck, leaving the hares questioning.. We’ll wing everything at this point. Zig zagging our way through eventually popping out nowhere where we wanted to, but still a plan developed. As we teased Diaper (AKA: C-Dif Spice) making him think he was going to catch us, a sneaky FRB loomed unbenounced to him! Joke’s on you dancing queen! Circle was quick as we were all freezing our asses off, with a couple virgins and some visitor from Boston.

Thanks to our hares today, VAGiant, Rambush, and P3

ON-ON

Blueberry O Hash

Blueberry O Hash

Hares: Cakehole, Pretty Pretty Pedophile, Chicken Dick with guest hares How’d He Do Me & COMB for a few feet.

Hounds: Diaper Rash, I’m Not a Cock, Rambush: First Blood, No Pussy for You, Spank Bank, Crusty Panties & Just Chase, Tranny Head, TMI General, Semper Pi, In & Out, Flaming Cunt Waffle, Aim it at My Face, Just MMM, Just Jack, Ball Wench, Honey Hole, Just FFF, Cock Lobster, Just FFF, Coxcyckle, COMB, Udderly Fuuuucked, How’d He Do Me, Ring Around the Russell, Used Virgin, Broken Boner, Olive Dick, Mother Inferior, BFF & Donkey, Vagina Ghihad, Show & Tell, Do Me More, Just Larry (I think), Just Charity, Just Christopher, Just MMM, Black Box, Asti Spunk On Me, Analytical as a very late cummer
Virgins: Just Christine, Just Paul, Just Andy

The trail started out with in a cluster before the pack even arrived. The hares agreed to meet at 12:45 to finalize their plans; this would have worked out if Chicken Dick had not left his life in Ring Around the Russell’s car and his own car at COMB’s house. P3 took the theme to the extreme and looked like a mix between a supersized smurf and Willy Wonka’s Umpa Lumpa that got stuck on a stretching machine. His hash foot superbly welded and affixed to the top of his truck was very stylish though. Chicken Dick & How’d He were donning their Porn Stars so Udderly felt compelled to put his on. COMB knew all along he was going to celebrate his affiliation and arrived at the hash already wearing his star. Russell decided to go for it as well, but his star lost a little luster when Used Virgin decided to wash it shortly after arriving home Saturday.
Circle and on start was uneventful. Trail went like usual trail with the FRB’s getting ahead of the pack but then being joined back together when the rest of the pack were on then off again on trail. It was almost like a Turkey Eagle split that packed organized since the 3 hares could not handle one today. In traditional Cakehole style, he got lost on his own trail but did find himself before the pack did. The porn stars did trick him even though they did not realize, I guess Uddlery from a distance can look like CD when adorned in a gold star & Speedo. Steep hills and minimal clothes leads to very dirty hashers.
The first BN was rather entertaining, civilians driving by trying to figure out why 45 people were drinking in a little parking lot. Still not sure why, but Udderly & COMB decided to lie on the gravel instead of the nice sot grass that was 3 foot away then CD saw the perfect opportunity to practice his moves on them. At some point, CD decided not continue haring which is why COMB & How’d He decided to step in. The now 4 hares took off down the drive heading toward Ann Arbor Road only to have How’d He bite it right on the gravel. This experience caused COMB to second guess his haring choice and return to the pack to comment that ‘there were cars’. I guess he and How’d He had not realized that there were cars driving down the road and that they might even have the right of way.
The second leg of the hash had varying degrees of interest depending on where you were. The walkers had a well laid trail with rather tasty Mikes Blueberry Lemonade. Just Charity felt compelled to play in the blue chalk and ended up looking like a Smurf Spoodged on her. The runners had a trail that was a little harder to follow, maybe had something to do with hares drinking before running, just maybe. It could be that one of the hares decided to drink the FRB that was supposed to be left for the pack. Not sure when the pack figured out that they were heading back to the same place for the 1st BN, but that is a pretty good trick.
Circle and the On After were a blur for many of the hashers. Could have been caused by the blueberry vodka on trail or the fact that several hashers decided that DWD was the place to be Saturday. We had several auto hashers and Rambush introduced the perfect new song El Camino for the occasion. Being a porn star had its benefits or detriments during circle, because when one star drank all stars drank. CD arrived rather late to the on after and was told at least twice by the bar staff to put a shirt on while How’d He was allowed to hang out in his full porn star goldness. My night ended with one hasher after striking out with the waitress, telling her that he was going to masturbate to her tonight. I think I am going to hear ‘what the fox says’ in my nightmares for awhile.

Jimmy Buffet Hash

Jimmy Buffet Hash

Hare: Dog Fucker
Hounds: Rambush: First Blood, I am Not a Cock, Semper Pi, Ride the Pony, Diaper Rash, 6 O’Cock, Krusty Kitty, Snitch Snatch, Just Jack aka Buff Data, Just Brian (virgin), Just XXX, Just XXX (sorry, too many margarita’s maybe)

So Here We Are, I mean there we were in the parking lot behind Andrews on the Corner Bar, nice location with The Rattle Snake Club in front of us, the river to the right and Atwater Brewing to our left. It was almost like we were Havana Daydreaming in the heat watching the security and border patrol cruising by only to be interrupted by one of the many vehicles making 3 point u-turns on the street (weird b/c it happened so much). We were a small but colorful group of hashers all wearing our own style of Hawaiian shirt or Buffet style attire, including fish whistles and flower leis. Although we looked good, one hasher smelled particularly bad and tried to clear the area with his toxic gas.

Chalk talk was very literally chalk talk as there was no flour used for the trail. The trail was laid completely in chalk, some in very festive rainbow style, but I will get back to the chalk trail part later. After the brief intros, the hare was blessed in a way to get him ready for the concert later, it went a little something like this: I don’t know the hare well, he made lead us thru hell. Hope he lays flour that helps us find beer. With lots of checks too, and FRB for you. On on we’ll be all the way thru the trail. Hashing away again in old Detroit, searching for the little blotages of flour. Some people say that is all about the run, but I know…. it’s really for beer. Did you pick up the tune, if not re-read it thinking/humming Margaritaville. 5 minutes later off we were.

Trail was a little shorter than usual which worked well for the pack especially considering we felt like we were taking a Trip Around the Sun with this heat wave. Dog F’er decided to confuse the virgin, NFN and late comers by laying an ‘x’ for a mark, then an x in a circle for a check. He also had true arrows (with 3 cross lines) and regular arrows just to further mess with the half-mind. He did drink for this at ceremonies though. The first BN had some beer but even more beer-ritas and apple pie moonshine, too bad one of the hasher had to miss it because he thought he had to fart and really sharted so while we drank up he washed out his shorts. The second BN had a special treat for all, a freshly poured growler from Atwater, so we drank and enjoyed the Bama Breeze and scenery of the Detroit river front.

This was probably the first hash in Detroit that we ran all around the Dequindre cut without ever stepping foot on it, another new twist. Several bystanders asked who we were chasing or what we were running from, clearly that is the only reason people run in Detroit, maybe they need Changes in Latitude or Changes in Attitude. It truly was a pack run with the DFL usually able to see the FRB on trail. The only thing that might have made it more adventurous would have been a little dip in the river but without Fins and floaties it might have been a little dangerous & probably illegal.

The on after offered a variety of food choices including what some might have called Cheeseburgers in Paradise if you liked burgers too tall or bite or fried eggs on your burger. We even had good beer but with the small group and excessive amount I think Dog F’er was already singing Why Don’t We Get Drunk. Our waiter was very, well, entertaining but I am still not sure is the manager was entertained by us when we decided to sing a few songs in honor of the specials he gave us. Come Monday, or Tuesday or next Friday we may be specifically welcomed back to the bar to enjoy the music of a band that sings dirty sailor songs, just our style right?

Bet you are sad you missed this fun filled hash. If you just can’t wait until the weekend to enjoy Speed Semen’s Anal (Annual) Dress Hash, or just like travel hashing I have just the reminder for you. Toledo’s hash this Wednesday is a pool hash, wear your suit as there will be multiple pools on trail, with the theme, you may even get to know what A Pirate Looks at Forty.

Last Minute Ann Arbor Hash

Last Minute Ann Arbor Hash

Hare: I’d Do Norman Cockwell, Asti-Spunk-On-Me, TMI General
Hounds: Semper Pi, I’m Not A Cock, Cock Lobster, Crunchy Panties, Sex & Ate, Slurpee 2nds, Scottish Finger Cuffs, Snitch Snatch, and Virgin Just Lauren
Real Hounds: Just Chase, Thirteen, Just Kasey
First off, toast to Norman for planning a last minute hash without any pre-scouting. The day started out with much rejoicing shortly after 1500, when the pack realized it outnumbered the hares. The plan to have a Turkey and Eagle trail was soon thereafter squashed when the only eagle, Cock Lobster – an over achiever that ran 17 miles earlier – figured he would be a turkey for the day. Somehow Snitch Snatch managed to make it on time for circle, Again; maybe it’s because the research is done and she is just here for fun now. Circle was brief with very few marks b/c well, although we are half minds we are not brain dead (most of the time).
The runner trail kept the pack together with lots of checks, especially looking for true trail for quite some time after the SBC. No check was left un-checked or un-marked on the first leg. We were living in an alternate universe again as Not a Cock was the FRB at several points on the trail. Sex & Scottish on the first leg were teased with a FWB (although written FRB) that was labeled but not found, we blame the hare Asti. The first BN was joyfully enjoyed at Wolverine; it pays to have a hare that works there ;). After the BN the runners dropped from 7 to 4, maybe too much beer who knows. The hares got a little confused and took a little too much time strolling around a neighborhood and TMI was caught on trail by Cock Lobster, who then said that was the highlight of his hashing life. Then 3 of the runners decided to run through a False and let the over achiever go back and run the true trail and it paid off, Diaper was not there so someone had to do it. At some point on the walker trail, the virgin was overly excited by a set of twins; you know there is a name in that. Crunchy’s little dog faired the 6+ miles well, but by the time he reached the 2nd BN he was ready for a nap so Semper gave into to his big eyes and let him fall asleep in her arms. Although the running hares laid a great trail, the walking hare lead them right back to the first BN; there was no beer this time though and it caused them to miss the 2nd BN. There was a benefit to the circle jerk, with the extra walkers revisiting the same damn trail they were able to find the FWB!
As the Gods decided to spit on us, circle was run under the pavilion-ish structure in front of the bathroom. All the normals were covered, then Slurpee pointed out that only the hares ended up with blood on trail. So a version of Doni was sung, with Asti’s name substituted in as it was very appropriate for his trail today. For the small pack there were lots of accusations with at least half leading back to the hares. The day ended with Cock Lobster commenting that he liked the more intimate trail today, I think he just liked being able to hear himself sing barbershop style.

Hash Trash 8.18.2012

Hash Trash 8.18.2012

H@res: VaGiant, Just Beth, I’m Not a Cock

Hounds: 2 Vicodin, Asti Spunk On Me, CakeHole, Chicken Dick, Cunt Remember, How’d He Do Me, No Pussy, Olive Dick, Pennsil Vein, Rambush: First Blood, Semper Pi (beer bitched), TMI General, Tranny Head, Udderly Fucked, Whip It Out, Hept C, Just Kirov & Just Shiver, Just Brian, Just Heather, Just Kelly, Just Kyle, Just Steven, Just Kelly 2, Just Arthur, & 7 virgins

You thought the Olympics were over, but the hashers revived the spirit for one more day. The r*nning hares were adorned in matching red shiny hair with tiaras, extra small red shorts, blue sparkly toppish things and cute red/white/blue bikini tops while the walker hare sported a wrestling singlet. Many hashers wore medal and called it a day, but others took it to the extremes. Chicken Dick says he was a Japanese gymnast but everyone thought he was trying to take us back in time with his Bruce Jenner look. Just Kyle was one of the most comically dressed with the hypodermic needle taped to his arm. Udderly was geared up and prepared to cheat with his bad mitten rackets as he rolled up on his bike. TMI & Semper Pi were wearing matching condoms, well shirt with condom rings & they included Durex of course the only condom of the Olympics. The blind referee Olive Dick helped out the hares awarding points for the events of the day.

Trail was trail, but at the beer nears is where the fun really happened. The first BN brought the first Olympic sport of penis ring toss, bet you are sorry you missed it. If you want to get the images stuck in your head, ask one of the participants for the details, my lips are sealed. Back to trail which leads to the second BN and a deserted school bus. Did you know the roof of a school bus can hold 12 hashers? The Olympic Games continued with beer can bowling (with a Frisbee). VaGiant awarded points for knocking down cans and style; the most astonishing feet was Just Beth hitting all cans from the top of the bus. Maybe she should be tested for doping. Taking advantage of the surrounding, a bus pushing event was added. They are easier to push than you would think, but getting it to not roll back over silly hashers was a little more difficult.

Ceremonies were short back to the cars but all participants were awarded their very own gold medal. The transplant hasher Just Kristen was named Cunt Remember for forgetting her hash name. Pennsil Vein could not wait for announcements, as he was bursting with excitement telling all that Sharin’ Fluids (the late comer) is expecting. The Olympic torch was stowed for the trip to the on-after location.

Everyone arrived at the on-after, where there was pizza, chips, pasta salad, jello shots and BEER aplenty! Trim My Bush and Afterschool Special were keeping the pool water warm (maybe even a little yellow), in their last appearance before they leave us for hazy California.

The Olympic Games resumed with the ever popular Drunk Diving event. The dives were as smooth as No Pussy’s pick-up lines. Chicken Dick put on a great show with his handstand dive. Not A Cock pulled off a beautifully executed Belly-Flop, dousing all of the onlookers. And, VAGiant managed to pull a leg muscle, mid-dive. Though I think he didn’t want to admit that it was actually his ankle. Trim My Bush was disqualified from the beginning, seeing as he has an unfair advantage when it comes to water/swimming events.

Just Beth didn’t participate in the Diving, but still managed to bring home the Gold Medal with her performance in the Beer Can Bowling. The Silver Medal was a tie between one of the Virgin’s, Just Ashley, for her spectacular cartwheel dive and How’d He Do Me for his triple twist dive (or was it for his Kilt-shedding naked belly-flop dive?). Bringing home the Bronze Medal was Cakehole, I assume, for his overall outstanding performance throughout the day. Of course, it’s more likely that he just bought off the blind ref.

ON-ON, until the next fun event